My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
