How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
