i would punch a child for taco bell
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
