I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
