hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
