Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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