My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
