Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize