My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
