I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
