we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
