Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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