I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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