i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
