So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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