Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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