I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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