Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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