Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
