I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize