i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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