lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
