it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
