she sounds like chewbacca in bed
no you cant smoke seaweed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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