so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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