Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
