the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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