12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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