I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
