My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
