well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
