the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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