So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize