so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
