mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
