if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
