The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
