break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
