I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
