Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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