Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
