I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i out mim tonsoeep
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