Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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