Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize