Dude my mom stole all your condoms
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
