Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
