i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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