He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
