so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
