I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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