Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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