remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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