I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
