Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
