so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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