What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The beer is more important than you right now.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
