you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
