You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
