I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
