if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
