just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
