so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
