Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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