I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
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