Cold hands, warm shart.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
