the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
