Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
