All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize