another moral hangover. fuck.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My penis needs a shock collar
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
and you fell through a lawn chair
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
